Once spicy meatball of a bad day. Rolllll on tomorrow!

You know those days where you wake up and you know it just not gonna be a good one? Yep, today was definately one of those.
6am IVs... my venflon had completely tissued overnight and absolutely not one drop of saline would go through, so out it came.
Pissy foreign Dr comes in at 7am to put a new one in (ahahaha her again, bet she regrets last week) but not before going: "What has happened to the other one?" as if I'd DONE something to it because I'm so in love with having my veins stabbed at in the early hours. I just gave her 'the look' and went " It tissued, nothing would go through".
Stabby stabby, new venflonny number seveny... and since I've started doing my own IVs quite alot in here the nurse just handed them over and left me to it. Something was distinctly amiss though.. I felt that familiar shivery, washed out, wobbly feeling and my temp was just slightly up. So I didn't get up and do anything at all till 9am. And then didn't feel like even a walk so just washed my hair and attempted to eat something. Bleh. Lung functions were still brilliant, although that's pretty much a reassurance that my fitness is on the up and that my inflammation in the airways is normal. It doesn't really make me jump for joy anymore (ungrateful as that sounds) because I knw what's going on in my airspaces and that my gas transfer is rubbish... still, at least one thing goes my way now!
Ward round was okay since I knew they weren't going to be letting me out today. So far they aren't entirely sure what to do with me except carry on with IVs for a few more days, and see where that gets my gas transfer and see if my oxygen requirements start going down a bit. My consultant said she hoped to get me out of here by the end of the week but since they don't think I'm absorbing oral steroids and I'm apparently loads better on IV, we're a bit stuck. It seems to depend on whether my gas transfer improves at all this week, whether they can figure out a way to get me continuing to improve OFF iv steroids, and how much longer I'm going to need steroids for.
Oh the ISSUES!! She also keeps trying to gently give me a bit of a reality check over how my lungs will be in the future. Scarring issues ect ect. Like, she isn't sure my gas transfer will ever be normal, even though it'll get much better. So I'll always be more out of breath when I run ect. But that's something I'd kind of figured out anyway really.
Even so, I burst in to tears when she was saying it all because just none of it was what I want to hear. Why can't I get better off oral streroids alone?!! Why have my alveoli thickened up so much that now they'll always be less efficient?! And from that point onwards, I've officially cried on and off all day. All effing day. I hate it when you're like that... and I don't get it often.
But I just felt that way where you just can't hold it back anymore because of being so frustrated and dissapointed at it all. So I've mostly stayed in my room sulking, lol. Safer that way coz I don't want to be walking down the ward and suddenly start bubbling away!
I basically did a load of knitting, to stay relaxed and pass the time. And physio came round and was NOT going to leave without getting me on the treadmill. I explained I was feeling a bit off today and that I was just going to do a decent paced walk. So I had 20 very uneventful minutes walking, but did feel somewhat better having done it so at least I felt I'd done something constructive! 4 litres o2 to maintain sats at 91, at 6kmph, so all stable there.
I felt al chilly and weird again later so had a sleep and then a very easy 10 minutes on the treadmill, so at least I've done 30 minutes walking today. And my legs will probably feel nice and fresh tomorrow so I think I'll just write today off as one of those days, and get myself together!
Just gonna have to stick out this bit now till they figure out what to do with me lol.

Big glassy eyed apologies for the self indulgent drivle that has been todays post. Lets turn over a new leaf tomorrow I think!
Take care cheesies xxx